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Learn to accept yourself in 10 easy steps

Learn to accept yourself in 10 easy  steps

Are you someone who tends to feel awkward in social situations? Outwardly you may appear calm and confident and in control, but perhaps inside you are quaking, feeling anxious about how false you think you’re being. Do you have issues with your self-esteem and body image? Perhaps you simply struggle to accept yourself for who you are.

Learning to accept yourself can make a huge difference to your happiness in life. When we accept ourselves and stop judging, we feel that other people in our lives are much less critical and judgemental too. Most of this feeling comes from within ourselves of course. We create an energy that others’ pick up on, and so when we’re downhearted and self-conscious, other people pick up on the vibes and our body language.

So how can you learn to accept yourself. We’ve put together 10 easy steps to help you.

Learn to accept yourself in 10 easy steps

1. Admit there’s a problem

Admitting there’s a problem is the first step to accepting yourself. At the moment in which you take a long, cool look at yourself and recognise an issue, that is the moment at which you can best affect change. By making the decision to change, you are empowering yourself. Self-empowerment is a wonderful acknowledgement of your own worth.

2. Learn to be kind to yourself

If you’re the sort of person who allows their inner critic to trample rough-shod over their fragile self, now is the time to learn to speak more softly. Listen to the amount of name-calling you do to yourself. Hear yourself when you are being negative. How many times do you find yourself scolding yourself when you do something daft or make a mistake? That inner voice is constantly chiding and criticizing and judging, and there is no need for it. You wouldn’t make your best friend feel so guilty, worthless or ashamed, would you? Why do it to yourself? You should always be your own best friend.

If you find it hard to drown that voice out, you can approach it in one of two ways.

  • Firstly – listen to what it has to say then tell it to stop.
  • Or secondly, listen to it and dismiss what it says. It has NOTHING important to tell you.

By detaching in this way, you will find that the inner critic loses its power to control you. You won’t successfully manage this every time at first, but keep doing this and eventually you will succeed. One thing to watch out for, when you catch your inner critic being mean, don’t tell it off. You’re learning NOT to be hostile to yourself remember, so be kind, but shoo it along.

3. Change your thinking

Recognise it is your own thinking that is critical. Our experience of the world happens through our own thoughts. Your own happiness depends on yourself and what you think. It does not depend on other people and what they say or do. You choose how to react to outside situations, and you choose your own internal dialogue. Accept the need for change (step one) and be kind to yourself (step two).

4. Make a list of all the wonderful things you know to be true about yourself

It is far too easy to pick fault with ourselves about imperfections and flaws. As we’ve see above, over the years our inner critics have torn us apart, and I’m sure you’ll have had friends and family and colleagues who have had a good go at this too. So why not counteract all that negativity and write a list of things you like, love and appreciate about yourself? It can be absolutely anything. You may have long eye lashes. You may have neat handwriting. You may cry at soppy movies. Perhaps you do a good imitation of a blackbird. Are you good at DIY? Maybe a good listener? Whatever it is you identify, pin it up somewhere you can see it and every now and again read it and add to it.

5. Acknowledge these good aspects about yourself

The next step in self-acceptance is to notice when you do something that makes you feel good. You held the door open for someone else? Notice it! You engaged in a pleasant conversation with a complete stranger? Notice it. You made someone smile or gave them a compliment? Notice it. You tackle your to-do list? Notice it! Do you see how amazing you are? Look out for those moments that make you feel good!

6. Save something for yourself

One of the problems with living life the way we do in the twenty-first century is that we’re constantly busy and we give far too much of ourselves to others. We make time for our significant other, our children and parents, friends and colleagues, and even the cold caller who phones up when we’re watching TV. Examine how you divide your time and make sure you allocate some to yourself. This may be so that you can take a walk alone, or simply sit and breathe. Perhaps you like to do some colouring in, drawing or writing. Perhaps you would like 30 minutes listening to jazz. Whatever you feel like doing, allocate the time and give in to your own needs.

7. Visualise a self-accepting you

If you close your eyes for a moment and think about a you who has stepped into your own power and is perfectly happy with the person you are (and why shouldn’t you be, if you’ve been following the steps above?) what does that actually look like? The more you know what self-acceptance would mean for you, the closer you will come to achieving this.

8. Forgive yourself

You’re only human, and humans make mistakes. When you do this, forgive yourself. Recognise that only through making mistakes can you learn and grow. 

9. Consider what it is you really want from your life

Sometimes we are cruel to ourselves because we aren’t happy. This may be in a relationship, in a job, or some other personal situation. When you know exactly what you want from life, and you have goals to achieve, you will feel more fulfilled as you achieve them. Even if your desires seem almost impossible to achieve, making a series of goals that take you a step closer can be very life affirming.

You have to ensure that what you want is authentic however. It has to be your heart’s desire, not something your partner, your parents or society dictates. This means understanding yourself and being very clearly in touch with your own feelings.

If it helps, you can ask yourself some questions and record the answers.

  • Who do I want to be? Describe what you want to be in detail.
  • What do I really care about?

Once you have the answers, then you have a kind of job description for yourself. How does that compare with the person you are now? Is there any overlap? Are you being authentic? What changes do you need to make?

10. Relax

Don’t strive too hard. Perfection is unattainable and will never make you happy. Acceptance of who you are and what you have are valuable. Consider learning about mindfulness and living in the moment. Enjoy who you are and what you have and self-acceptance will follow.

Created by Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

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Learn to accept yourself in 10 easy steps

Learn to accept yourself in 10 easy steps
Learn to accept yourself in 10 easy  steps

Are you someone who tends to feel awkward in social situations? Outwardly you may appear calm and confident and in control, but perhaps inside you are quaking, feeling anxious about how false you think you’re being. Do you have issues with your self-esteem and body image? Perhaps you simply struggle to accept yourself for who you are.

Learning to accept yourself can make a huge difference to your happiness in life. When we accept ourselves and stop judging, we feel that other people in our lives are much less critical and judgemental too. Most of this feeling comes from within ourselves of course. We create an energy that others’ pick up on, and so when we’re downhearted and self-conscious, other people pick up on the vibes and our body language.

So how can you learn to accept yourself. We’ve put together 10 easy steps to help you.

Learn to accept yourself in 10 easy steps

1. Admit there’s a problem

Admitting there’s a problem is the first step to accepting yourself. At the moment in which you take a long, cool look at yourself and recognise an issue, that is the moment at which you can best affect change. By making the decision to change, you are empowering yourself. Self-empowerment is a wonderful acknowledgement of your own worth.

2. Learn to be kind to yourself

If you’re the sort of person who allows their inner critic to trample rough-shod over their fragile self, now is the time to learn to speak more softly. Listen to the amount of name-calling you do to yourself. Hear yourself when you are being negative. How many times do you find yourself scolding yourself when you do something daft or make a mistake? That inner voice is constantly chiding and criticizing and judging, and there is no need for it. You wouldn’t make your best friend feel so guilty, worthless or ashamed, would you? Why do it to yourself? You should always be your own best friend.

If you find it hard to drown that voice out, you can approach it in one of two ways.

  • Firstly – listen to what it has to say then tell it to stop.
  • Or secondly, listen to it and dismiss what it says. It has NOTHING important to tell you.

By detaching in this way, you will find that the inner critic loses its power to control you. You won’t successfully manage this every time at first, but keep doing this and eventually you will succeed. One thing to watch out for, when you catch your inner critic being mean, don’t tell it off. You’re learning NOT to be hostile to yourself remember, so be kind, but shoo it along.

3. Change your thinking

Recognise it is your own thinking that is critical. Our experience of the world happens through our own thoughts. Your own happiness depends on yourself and what you think. It does not depend on other people and what they say or do. You choose how to react to outside situations, and you choose your own internal dialogue. Accept the need for change (step one) and be kind to yourself (step two).

4. Make a list of all the wonderful things you know to be true about yourself

It is far too easy to pick fault with ourselves about imperfections and flaws. As we’ve see above, over the years our inner critics have torn us apart, and I’m sure you’ll have had friends and family and colleagues who have had a good go at this too. So why not counteract all that negativity and write a list of things you like, love and appreciate about yourself? It can be absolutely anything. You may have long eye lashes. You may have neat handwriting. You may cry at soppy movies. Perhaps you do a good imitation of a blackbird. Are you good at DIY? Maybe a good listener? Whatever it is you identify, pin it up somewhere you can see it and every now and again read it and add to it.

5. Acknowledge these good aspects about yourself

The next step in self-acceptance is to notice when you do something that makes you feel good. You held the door open for someone else? Notice it! You engaged in a pleasant conversation with a complete stranger? Notice it. You made someone smile or gave them a compliment? Notice it. You tackle your to-do list? Notice it! Do you see how amazing you are? Look out for those moments that make you feel good!

6. Save something for yourself

One of the problems with living life the way we do in the twenty-first century is that we’re constantly busy and we give far too much of ourselves to others. We make time for our significant other, our children and parents, friends and colleagues, and even the cold caller who phones up when we’re watching TV. Examine how you divide your time and make sure you allocate some to yourself. This may be so that you can take a walk alone, or simply sit and breathe. Perhaps you like to do some colouring in, drawing or writing. Perhaps you would like 30 minutes listening to jazz. Whatever you feel like doing, allocate the time and give in to your own needs.

7. Visualise a self-accepting you

If you close your eyes for a moment and think about a you who has stepped into your own power and is perfectly happy with the person you are (and why shouldn’t you be, if you’ve been following the steps above?) what does that actually look like? The more you know what self-acceptance would mean for you, the closer you will come to achieving this.

8. Forgive yourself

You’re only human, and humans make mistakes. When you do this, forgive yourself. Recognise that only through making mistakes can you learn and grow. 

9. Consider what it is you really want from your life

Sometimes we are cruel to ourselves because we aren’t happy. This may be in a relationship, in a job, or some other personal situation. When you know exactly what you want from life, and you have goals to achieve, you will feel more fulfilled as you achieve them. Even if your desires seem almost impossible to achieve, making a series of goals that take you a step closer can be very life affirming.

You have to ensure that what you want is authentic however. It has to be your heart’s desire, not something your partner, your parents or society dictates. This means understanding yourself and being very clearly in touch with your own feelings.

If it helps, you can ask yourself some questions and record the answers.

  • Who do I want to be? Describe what you want to be in detail.
  • What do I really care about?

Once you have the answers, then you have a kind of job description for yourself. How does that compare with the person you are now? Is there any overlap? Are you being authentic? What changes do you need to make?

10. Relax

Don’t strive too hard. Perfection is unattainable and will never make you happy. Acceptance of who you are and what you have are valuable. Consider learning about mindfulness and living in the moment. Enjoy who you are and what you have and self-acceptance will follow.




Bach flowers mix 44: Performance anxiety

Bach flowers mix 44 helps to:

  • Have more self-confidence
  • Remove performance anxiety
  • Prevent panicking
  • Believe in yourself more
  • Be more calm and peaceful
Discover how Bach flowers mix 44 can help you
Marie Pure

Other articles


How to break your bad habits

How to break your bad habits

Bad habits waste your energy and time. They disrupt your life, risk your health and stop you from achieving your aims. So why do we do them? And what can we do to break our bad habits?

Read the complete article

How to spice up your life

How to spice up your life

Do you feel you're always doing the same things and not getting anywhere? It's common to feel stuck in a rut, treading water and just going through the motions.

Read the complete article

How to prove your value

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Feel like everyone takes you for granted? Whether it's working late to prepare a presentation or cooking a special birthday meal for your partner, it's nice to be appreciated when you've made an extra effort. And if it seems as if people don't notice, you might feel as if no one values you.

Read the complete article

Choose for your happiness

Choose for your happiness!

Being happy is something everybody strives for, but unfortunately there are a lot of people who go through life unhappily. A lot of people take life how it is.

Read the complete article

have you considered yoga

Have you considered yoga? The advantages of practicing yoga

Have you considered yoga? There are many advantages to practicing yoga. It is a holistic practice benefitting you physically, emotionally & mentally.

Read the complete article

12 easy ways to get people to like you

12 easy ways to get people to like you

Have you ever noticed that some people are instantly likeable? Many people believe that people will only like you because of natural traits you're born with: good looks, talent and sociability. But this is a misconception. Getting people to like you is within your control, and it's all to do with self-belief, knowing yourself and being emotionally intelligent. Here's what to do to be more likeable.

Read the complete article

Feeling blue

Feeling blue?

Feeling blue? You're not alone! We all feel sad at times; it's a normal human emotion. Sometimes, it's clear to see what has triggered our depression. Common reasons for feeling sad include bereavement, the end of a relationship, losing your job or money problems. But it's not always so clearcut.

Read the complete article

Even the brightest minds have setbacks!

Even the brightest minds have setbacks!

We all want to be successful but many of us find the path to achieving our dreams is blocked by our fear of failure. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, go backpacking around the world or start up a new business, you need to accept that you might fail many times over before you achieve success.

Read the complete article

Let's make 2021 better than 2020

Let's make 2021 better than 2020

For many people, 2020 has been one of the worst years they can remember. The COVID -19 pandemic and social unrest have changed our lives in ways we would not have believed possible a year ago. And when January 2021 comes around, we're still likely to be facing many challenges. Can 2021 be a better year?

Read the complete article

Can you accept things you can't change Take our quiz!

Can you accept things you can't change? Take our quiz!

Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!

Read the complete article

Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.

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