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Standing Up To A Narcissistic Pervert

Standing Up To A Narcissistic Pervert

Whether it's with a romantic partner or a housemate, there's no doubt that a relationship with a narcissist can be very challenging. But are there ways to cope better? Or is it better to leave the relationship?

Signs you are living with a narcissistic pervert

We all put ourselves first at times, but narcissists focus on themselves and their needs to a far greater degree. Sometimes it's easy to recognise a narcissist, but covert narcissism can be harder to detect. The behaviour of narcissistic perverts is often hurtful and confusing to those who live with them. The signs that you're dealing with a narcissist include:

  • A lack of empathy with others
  • Grandiosity and a tendency to exaggerate their accomplishments
  • A reluctance to apologise - they won't admit to being at fault unless they can benefit from it in some way
  • An overreaction to even slight criticism and a tendency to blame others for their mistakes
  • Lying, manipulating and mistreating people close to them to get what they feel they deserve


How to cope with a narcissist

If you're living with a narcissist, it can be stressful, exhausting and damaging to your mental health. But when you understand what makes a narcissist tick, you may be able to manage your relationship better while looking after your own wellbeing. Here are some insights that you may find helpful:

Don't take it personally

Narcissists can't change their behaviour without professional help. NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) is often linked to factors such as trauma, childhood abuse, genetics and upbringing. However, narcissistic behaviours such as manipulation or gaslighting feel like personal attacks.

You can encourage a narcissist to seek therapy, but remember you're not responsible for fixing their behaviour. It's not your fault, and you didn't do anything to cause their actions.

Set clear boundaries

Set clear, non-negotiable boundaries about what you aren't willing to accept in your relationship. For example, you might state that you won't tolerate swearing or rudeness when conversing. If they indulge in this behaviour, don't argue; just end the conversation and walk away.

It's essential to enforce your boundaries and carry out the consequences immediately.

Bach Flower Mix 77 helps you be more assertive and resilient and more able to say "No".

When you don't give in, the other person is more likely to take you seriously next time. But it's an ongoing process so keep reminding others about the behaviours you will not tolerate.

Look out for gaslighting

Narcissists often engage in the form of manipulation known as gaslighting. They do this by denying reality or rewriting history so that you start to doubt yourself.

They may flatly deny that they did or said something. Or they may try to undermine your self-confidence by accusing you of overreacting or misunderstanding the situation. Or they may say they were only joking and that you're being too sensitive.

It isn't easy to deal with gaslighting as it's often a case of one word against another. Try to have witnesses present during conversations, and ensure that important communications are done by email, so you have a written record.

When you know someone is gaslighting you, make them aware that you know what they are trying to do and that you will not tolerate this behaviour.

Nurture your self-esteem

Narcissists will run down and undermine others to boost their sense of self-worth. Therefore, one of the biggest challenges of living with a narcissistic person is to ensure that your self-esteem stays healthy.

It's not only people with poor self-esteem who can be duped by a narcissist. It's easy to be charmed by their charisma and confidence in the early days of a relationship. But as you start to know them better, it's soon clear that these traits are actually narcissism. So, boost your self-esteem to help you cope with potentially damaging narcissistic behaviours. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself for your mistakes and engage in positive self-talk.

Talk to others

Seek support from people who care for you. When you're in a relationship with a narcissistic pervert, it can be challenging not to lose your sense of identity. So turn to people who accept and support you and with whom you can be your true self. Having friends who understand what you're going through can relieve some of the stresses of being in a relationship with a narcissist.

Leaving a narcissist

If a narcissist is causing you anxiety and making it impossible for you to function normally, it may be time to walk away from the situation. Continuing to live with someone with NPD can seriously harm your mental wellbeing. And if the relationship has turned dangerously toxic or abusive, it's essential to seek help. Speak to a trusted friend, family member or mental health professional.

A final thought

It isn't easy to live with a narcissist. It can be draining and stressful, but taking care of yourself is vital so that you stay supported, strong and mentally well.

Remember not to take narcissistic behaviours personally - you aren't the problem! Instead, build clear boundaries, boost your self-esteem and seek support from others.

Last but not least, follow your gut instincts. You don't have to stay in a relationship if you aren't happy. Getting away from a situation is often the best thing you can do for your mental wellbeing.


Sources:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/narcissism-symptoms-signs

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/narcissism

Created by Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

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Standing Up To A Narcissistic Pervert

Standing Up To A Narcissistic Pervert
Standing Up To A Narcissistic Pervert

Whether it's with a romantic partner or a housemate, there's no doubt that a relationship with a narcissist can be very challenging. But are there ways to cope better? Or is it better to leave the relationship?

Signs you are living with a narcissistic pervert

We all put ourselves first at times, but narcissists focus on themselves and their needs to a far greater degree. Sometimes it's easy to recognise a narcissist, but covert narcissism can be harder to detect. The behaviour of narcissistic perverts is often hurtful and confusing to those who live with them. The signs that you're dealing with a narcissist include:

  • A lack of empathy with others
  • Grandiosity and a tendency to exaggerate their accomplishments
  • A reluctance to apologise - they won't admit to being at fault unless they can benefit from it in some way
  • An overreaction to even slight criticism and a tendency to blame others for their mistakes
  • Lying, manipulating and mistreating people close to them to get what they feel they deserve

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Bach flowers personal mix:

  • Personal combination
  • Based on your symptoms and character
  • Bach flower remedy personally selected by Tom
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Discover how Personal Bach flowers remedy - Wizard can help you

How to cope with a narcissist

If you're living with a narcissist, it can be stressful, exhausting and damaging to your mental health. But when you understand what makes a narcissist tick, you may be able to manage your relationship better while looking after your own wellbeing. Here are some insights that you may find helpful:

Don't take it personally

Narcissists can't change their behaviour without professional help. NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) is often linked to factors such as trauma, childhood abuse, genetics and upbringing. However, narcissistic behaviours such as manipulation or gaslighting feel like personal attacks.

You can encourage a narcissist to seek therapy, but remember you're not responsible for fixing their behaviour. It's not your fault, and you didn't do anything to cause their actions.

Set clear boundaries

Set clear, non-negotiable boundaries about what you aren't willing to accept in your relationship. For example, you might state that you won't tolerate swearing or rudeness when conversing. If they indulge in this behaviour, don't argue; just end the conversation and walk away.

It's essential to enforce your boundaries and carry out the consequences immediately.

Bach Flower Mix 77 helps you be more assertive and resilient and more able to say "No".

When you don't give in, the other person is more likely to take you seriously next time. But it's an ongoing process so keep reminding others about the behaviours you will not tolerate.

Look out for gaslighting

Narcissists often engage in the form of manipulation known as gaslighting. They do this by denying reality or rewriting history so that you start to doubt yourself.

They may flatly deny that they did or said something. Or they may try to undermine your self-confidence by accusing you of overreacting or misunderstanding the situation. Or they may say they were only joking and that you're being too sensitive.

It isn't easy to deal with gaslighting as it's often a case of one word against another. Try to have witnesses present during conversations, and ensure that important communications are done by email, so you have a written record.

When you know someone is gaslighting you, make them aware that you know what they are trying to do and that you will not tolerate this behaviour.

Nurture your self-esteem

Narcissists will run down and undermine others to boost their sense of self-worth. Therefore, one of the biggest challenges of living with a narcissistic person is to ensure that your self-esteem stays healthy.

It's not only people with poor self-esteem who can be duped by a narcissist. It's easy to be charmed by their charisma and confidence in the early days of a relationship. But as you start to know them better, it's soon clear that these traits are actually narcissism. So, boost your self-esteem to help you cope with potentially damaging narcissistic behaviours. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself for your mistakes and engage in positive self-talk.

Talk to others

Seek support from people who care for you. When you're in a relationship with a narcissistic pervert, it can be challenging not to lose your sense of identity. So turn to people who accept and support you and with whom you can be your true self. Having friends who understand what you're going through can relieve some of the stresses of being in a relationship with a narcissist.

Leaving a narcissist

If a narcissist is causing you anxiety and making it impossible for you to function normally, it may be time to walk away from the situation. Continuing to live with someone with NPD can seriously harm your mental wellbeing. And if the relationship has turned dangerously toxic or abusive, it's essential to seek help. Speak to a trusted friend, family member or mental health professional.

A final thought

It isn't easy to live with a narcissist. It can be draining and stressful, but taking care of yourself is vital so that you stay supported, strong and mentally well.

Remember not to take narcissistic behaviours personally - you aren't the problem! Instead, build clear boundaries, boost your self-esteem and seek support from others.

Last but not least, follow your gut instincts. You don't have to stay in a relationship if you aren't happy. Getting away from a situation is often the best thing you can do for your mental wellbeing.


Sources:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/narcissism-symptoms-signs

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/basics/narcissism


Marie Pure

Other articles


Letting go A guide for survivors

Letting go: A guide for survivors

Facing the loss of a family member or close friend is probably one of the most difficult challenges that life throws at us. When we've lost a partner, parent, brother or sister, we're likely to experience intense grief.

Read the complete article

Are you stuck in a rut

Are you stuck in a rut?

Sometimes it’s hard to notice when we've become trapped in familiar routines. Take our quiz to find out if you’re stuck in a rut and what you can do about it.

Read the complete article

Dealing with British Summer Time

Dealing with British Summer Time

Some people are overly sensitive to the time change and it can take days, if not weeks, for them to feel right again, while others barely even notice. 

Read the complete article

How to know when to say no

How to know when to say no

It's often difficult to say no, but some people never do! So how do you know when to say no and when to say yes?

Read the complete article

Do you expect too much from others Find out!

Do you expect too much from others? Find out!

Most people are disappointed when others don't meet their expectations. But when you always expect too much, it isn't healthy, either for yourself or for others. If you often find yourself feeling let down by your loved ones or even by strangers, could it be that you have unrealistic ideas of how people should act?

Read the complete article

Fact or fiction Is it truly healthy

Fact or fiction? Is it truly healthy?

There's so much contradictory health advice out there, it gets confusing. One year, butter is said to be bad for you, and margarine is better. The following year, it's the other way around. One article says running causes strain on your joints; another says it's good for you because it increases bone strength.

Read the complete article

Stop worrying and live in the moment

Stop worrying and live in the moment

People spend so much of their time regretting the past and worrying about the future. But it’s not worth it! Even what happened yesterday doesn't matter anymore! Let go of the past and the future and make the most of every moment.

Read the complete article

Did you get stuck in the past

Did you get stuck in the past?

Do you find yourself often thinking about your past? Do you wish you could turn back the clock to days gone by or things as they were before covid disrupted the world?

Read the complete article

Find out if you're suffering from imposter syndrome

Find out if you're suffering from imposter syndrome

Do you sometimes feel your achievements are not the result of your hard work and skill but are just luck? And do you fear that one day, someone will reveal you as an imposter or fraud? You might have imposter syndrome!

Read the complete article

12 easy ways to get people to like you

12 easy ways to get people to like you

Have you ever noticed that some people are instantly likeable? Many people believe that people will only like you because of natural traits you're born with: good looks, talent and sociability. But this is a misconception. Getting people to like you is within your control, and it's all to do with self-belief, knowing yourself and being emotionally intelligent. Here's what to do to be more likeable.

Read the complete article

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