If you’re exhausting yourself with worry and you’re struggling to calm your mind, what can you do about it? For a quick fix, you simply need to ask yourself these four questions:
1. What do you care?
2. How important is it really?
3. Who says you have to do that?
4. What difference does it make what others think?
Let’s take them, briefly, one by one.
You may well be thinking, “Well of course I care!” but do you really? Can you ask yourself what is it that you care about? At the heart of your worrying is there something specific? For example, you may be worried about something your teenager is doing. Concerns about their safety are valid of course, but if it is a piercing or a relationship, are you worrying too much? It may be that your worry stems from the fact that they are growing up and will be setting themselves free in the world. Perhaps the thing you are really worrying about is getting older, or being alone.
Take time to reflect on what it is that you are genuinely fearful of, and then address that specific issue.
You may get yourself into quite a state about something that isn’t particularly important. The cycle of worry and anxiety feeds itself constantly and before you know it your worrying is out of hand. If you’re feeling panicky because of your worries, stop and take a time-out. How important is what you’re worrying about? Did you spill something on the carpet? Are you worried what your landlord will say? Are your library books late? Is your boss giving you too much to do at work?
Take back control of what it is that is worrying you so much. Have the carpet cleaned. Pay the fine at the library. Say no to your boss, or even better, do what you can in the time that you have and do it well. Let your boss worry about work that cannot be completed in the time they give you. S/he gets paid to worry – you do not.
The only person putting pressure on you, is you. With practice you can stop caring about other people and set the agenda for your own life. It is not simple to do, it takes work, and you have to be strong and assertive - but only you are in charge of your destiny, and only you can make the changes necessary to prevent the pressure.
It’s your life, you make the decisions!
If you worry too much because you’re scared of what other people think of you, it’s time for a reality check. We all judge each other to a greater or lesser extent, and quite frankly it is an unkind thing to do. The antidote to this is to simply not care what other people think. Their opinions should not be valid in your life, especially if you are doing the best job you can of being a human being.
Think of it this way, in the last few weeks of your life, what will matter to you most? Will it be that you had a great time and saw some amazing places? Or will it be that you had your nails done every other week so that someone didn’t judge you? Will it be that you had wonderful experiences with fabulous friends and spent time laughing, singing and dancing? Or that you sided with a bully because you were too scared to stand up to them at the expense of someone else? Will it be the time you spent with your family, or the time you spent in the office or in the traffic?
It is your life. Make your choices on the basis of what makes you happy and proud of yourself. Change what you can change and don’t worry about what you can’t. Life goes on, and one day, you won’t go with it, so live in the here-and-now, and don’t worry about the future.
Created by Tom Vermeersch
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
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If you’re exhausting yourself with worry and you’re struggling to calm your mind, what can you do about it? For a quick fix, you simply need to ask yourself these four questions:
1. What do you care?
2. How important is it really?
3. Who says you have to do that?
4. What difference does it make what others think?
Let’s take them, briefly, one by one.
You may well be thinking, “Well of course I care!” but do you really? Can you ask yourself what is it that you care about? At the heart of your worrying is there something specific? For example, you may be worried about something your teenager is doing. Concerns about their safety are valid of course, but if it is a piercing or a relationship, are you worrying too much? It may be that your worry stems from the fact that they are growing up and will be setting themselves free in the world. Perhaps the thing you are really worrying about is getting older, or being alone.
Take time to reflect on what it is that you are genuinely fearful of, and then address that specific issue.
You may get yourself into quite a state about something that isn’t particularly important. The cycle of worry and anxiety feeds itself constantly and before you know it your worrying is out of hand. If you’re feeling panicky because of your worries, stop and take a time-out. How important is what you’re worrying about? Did you spill something on the carpet? Are you worried what your landlord will say? Are your library books late? Is your boss giving you too much to do at work?
Take back control of what it is that is worrying you so much. Have the carpet cleaned. Pay the fine at the library. Say no to your boss, or even better, do what you can in the time that you have and do it well. Let your boss worry about work that cannot be completed in the time they give you. S/he gets paid to worry – you do not.
The only person putting pressure on you, is you. With practice you can stop caring about other people and set the agenda for your own life. It is not simple to do, it takes work, and you have to be strong and assertive - but only you are in charge of your destiny, and only you can make the changes necessary to prevent the pressure.
It’s your life, you make the decisions!
If you worry too much because you’re scared of what other people think of you, it’s time for a reality check. We all judge each other to a greater or lesser extent, and quite frankly it is an unkind thing to do. The antidote to this is to simply not care what other people think. Their opinions should not be valid in your life, especially if you are doing the best job you can of being a human being.
Think of it this way, in the last few weeks of your life, what will matter to you most? Will it be that you had a great time and saw some amazing places? Or will it be that you had your nails done every other week so that someone didn’t judge you? Will it be that you had wonderful experiences with fabulous friends and spent time laughing, singing and dancing? Or that you sided with a bully because you were too scared to stand up to them at the expense of someone else? Will it be the time you spent with your family, or the time you spent in the office or in the traffic?
It is your life. Make your choices on the basis of what makes you happy and proud of yourself. Change what you can change and don’t worry about what you can’t. Life goes on, and one day, you won’t go with it, so live in the here-and-now, and don’t worry about the future.
As parents, we often worry about a poor school report as much, if not more, as our kids do! And if your child's grades are slipping, you'll be looking for reasons and if there's anything you can do to help.
Do you sometimes feel your achievements are not the result of your hard work and skill but are just luck? And do you fear that one day, someone will reveal you as an imposter or fraud? You might have imposter syndrome!
Can we learn from our mistakes and develop a stronger, healthier emotional bondwith our kids? To help you identify your weak spots, we’ve rounded up some of the most common mistakes parents make.
People spend so much of their time regretting the past and worrying about the future. But it’s not worth it! Even what happened yesterday doesn't matter anymore! Let go of the past and the future and make the most of every moment.
When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives.
For many people, 2020 has been one of the worst years they can remember. The COVID -19 pandemic and social unrest have changed our lives in ways we would not have believed possible a year ago. And when January 2021 comes around, we're still likely to be facing many challenges. Can 2021 be a better year?
Read the complete article
It's not always easy to tell if someone has depression. While some signs such as sadness, pessimism and withdrawal from social interaction are easy to recognise, other symptoms may be less obvious. And some people are very good at hiding their depression - even from themselves!
Bad habits waste your energy and time. They disrupt your life, risk your health and stop you from achieving your aims. So why do we do them? And what can we do to break our bad habits?
We all want to be successful but many of us find the path to achieving our dreams is blocked by our fear of failure. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, go backpacking around the world or start up a new business, you need to accept that you might fail many times over before you achieve success.
Sexual desire is a complex interaction of hormones, emotions and well-being. When your partner is not as interested in sex as you are, it’s rarely a rejection of you as a person. So it’s essential to be as empathetic as you can regarding your differing libidos.
Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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