The consequences for adults after a divorce

While it is always possible to find out information about the effects that divorce has on children, it can be difficult to find information on the consequences for adults after a divorce. In many western countries, the divorce rates remain high, but are starting to stagnate.

This is mainly due to more couples choosing not to marry in the first place, or not being able to afford divorce, as the same level of resources required to run one household in marriage, can rarely be stretched to cover the outgoings of two households.

Increasingly people understand that their lives post-divorce will be tough, and there are some differences depending on whether you are a man or a woman.

Generally speaking, for women, divorce means:

• The vast majority of women gain custody of the children and remain primary carers
• 60% of people who are in poverty are divorced women
• On the whole, single mothers with large families earn little because they balance low paid jobs with caring responsibilities.
• Many women struggle to receive the child support they are entitled to
• However, after divorce, women experience less stress and better adjustment to life than their ex-partners. They tend to feel relieved to be out of troublesome marriages, and have social networks that offer them support.
• Many women experience a rise in self-esteem.

Generally speaking, for men, divorce means:

• A struggle to adjust emotionally, a loss of intimacy, a loss of social connection.
• Reduced finances
• Interruption of their parental role.
• Men tend to remarry more quickly than women.
• Those men that negotiate joint legal custody, shared parenting and remain involved with their children for activities and expenses, tend to be more compliant with their child support obligations.
• Men tend to be more negative about divorce than women, and research in the US suggests are more likely to try to salvage a relationship.

Divorce as a process

Research undertaken in the United Kingdom, New Zealand, and Australia, has indicated that it can be helpful for adults to understand divorce as a process rather than one single event that terminates a marriage. A build-up of stress, alienation and anger and negative emotion takes place prior to the idea of divorce even being raised, and from there, many conflicts remain unresolved. All members of a family, children and adults, are experience life transitions over an extended period of time, which can be exhausting and traumatic. Adults will experience feelings of bitterness, helplessness, and anger.

In the immediate period surrounding the decision to divorce, there will be discussions of how and when to separate. It is at this stage that some couples explore marriage counselling, although others just choose trail separation, and some opt for extramarital affairs. The marriage at this time can still be in a state of flux as roles and positions are renegotiated.

Stress, anxiety and depression caused by the divorce or pre-divorce pressure can adversely affect parenting. Studies in the U.S. and U.K. found children and adolescents suffered thanks to high levels of marital disharmony, and inconsistent parenting or just through the fact that parents were not taking care of themselves, let alone their offspring. Changing family dynamics expose children to a greater level of spousal fighting and everyone finds that their emotional and psychological well-being starts to diminish.

Post-divorce, the most difficult and stressful phase of the divorce process for all members of the family begins. Divorcing parents have to redefine their own world, by acknowledging legal obligations, and negotiating their way economically, while redefining their roles as single or absent parents, or as primary caregiver. There are many new stressors, but at least now the fighting can hopefully cease, and a new road forged ahead.

Other articles

How to stop everything going wrong

Do you always feel that everything’s always going wrong? Find out how to stop this cycle of bad thoughts in its tracks. When you think positively, things will start to appear positive and you will eventually feel more positive and optimistic.

12 easy ways to get people to like you

Have you ever noticed that some people are instantly likeable? Many people believe that people will only like you because of natural traits you're born with: good looks, talent and sociability. But this is a misconception. Getting people to like you is within your control, and it's all to do with self-belief, knowing yourself and being emotionally intelligent. Here's what to do to be more likeable.

Let's make 2021 better than 2020

For many people, 2020 has been one of the worst years they can remember. The COVID -19 pandemic and social unrest have changed our lives in ways we would not have believed possible a year ago. And when January 2021 comes around, we're still likely to be facing many challenges. Can 2021 be a better year?

Dealing with British Summer Time

Some people are overly sensitive to the time change and it can take days, if not weeks, for them to feel right again, while others barely even notice. 

Do you 'Musturbate' too much?

Do you suffer from a disorder known as "musturbation"? This term was first coined in the 1950s by psychotherapist Albert Ellis and described the way a negative inner voice rules our minds and bludgeons us with words such as "must", "should", and "ought".

Can you accept things you can't change? Take our quiz!

Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!

Is the world as we know it over?

Since the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, governments around the world have taken unprecedented measures to stop the spread of coronavirus. The rapid changes we've seen have had an impact on almost every aspect of our lives.

Why not me?

It's natural to compare our own lives with those of others - weighing up the pros and cons of situations helps us make decisions. But there can be a downside when you find you're constantly comparing yourself with others, envying their seemingly perfect lives and wondering why they are luckier, more prosperous, and better looking than you.

Are most people good or bad?

Do you sometimes despair about humanity because it seems there are far more bad people than good? Are we primarily selfish individuals, thinking only about our own needs? Or is this cynical belief just because we spend so much time online? The truth is more complicated!

Choose for your happiness!

Being happy is something everybody strives for, but unfortunately there are a lot of people who go through life unhappily. A lot of people take life how it is.