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Do you often feel let down by others? Maybe you think that you do stuff for them and never get anything back in return, or perhaps you believe it's just down to bad luck or that you are always too nice. But if disappointment in other people often happens to you, then maybe the reason is you - your expectations may be unrealistic.
So what unconscious behaviours could you be playing out that create a life in which people let you down? And is there a way to break this pattern?
Do you believe that what you give, you should receive an equal measure in return? You see giving as a business transaction. But you should give without any expectation of return.
So next time someone asks you to help them out, only give your time and energy if you feel good about it, and understand that you are doing so without any expectations of the favour being returned. If you find this challenging, try stopping giving altogether until you feel ready to give freely without any strings attached.
Do you know how to say no? Perhaps you aren't setting clear personal boundaries, so others don't understand what you do and do not find acceptable, and you aren't honest about what you do and do not want to do. When you fail to set personal boundaries, you find yourself doing things not because you want to do them but because you don't know how to say no. And if the other person is more assertive with boundaries than you, the result is that you feel disappointed and used.
Imagine how different you would feel if you were more self-confident and you kept more of your energy and time for yourself. Bach Flowers Mix 44 can help you feel more confident and believe in yourself more.
Expectations that are too high damage relationships, leaving us constantly feeling let down. When we have high expectations of others, it blinds us to who the person really is. And in our determination to have our demands fulfilled, we don't see what they can offer us. So it's not that they don't give us anything; instead, we ask them for things they can't provide.
Think about someone that you're having problems with. Now, make a list of your expectations of them. Are these demands fair? Would your relationship improve if you ripped up the list and simply accepted the person for who they are?
Sometimes, you might feel disappointed with someone just because you didn't get your own way! But you can never fully control others. So take a moment to consider the individual who hasn't met your expectations. When did you last think about what they wanted or needed in your relationship?
At first glance, codependent people can seem like they are too nice, giving almost too much. This is because their life revolves around doing things for others and making them happy. But the other side of the coin is that they expect others to do something that makes them happy in return. Unfortunately, it's often too much to ask, and the result is a feeling of disappointment.
It could be that your self-esteem relies too much on your relationships, and you need to build your self-confidence, Bach Flower Mix 78 can help with codependency. It contains Bach flower essences that help avoid panic attacks, overcome the fear of being abandoned and support your self-belief.
If you repeatedly choose toxic partners and friends who are emotionally unavailable, you will feel constantly let down. If you are stuck in a pattern of unhealthy relationships, it may stem from traumatic events or core beliefs instilled in your childhood that continue to control your choices. For example, you may be following the pattern of a relationship you had with a parent growing up.
Think about your friendships or relationships. Did they all start in similar ways, and do the same dramas and power dynamics play out repeatedly?
You may be expecting support from the wrong people, who simply don't have the emotional intelligence to help you. If your feelings of being let down are making life difficult, or you believe they may come from an experience in your childhood, it can sometimes be easier to talk about it to someone other than family or friends. A therapist or counsellor offers a safe, non-judgmental and unbiased environment for you to explore your feelings of being let down by your expectations of others.
You don't always have to say yes, always "be nice" and give more than you want, then always feel disappointed. Nobody is making you do these things; you choose to do them. So you aren't really a victim; you are choosing to be one.
Taking control and being more assertive about your needs can be challenging - these tips will help.
You can't control others, so let go of your expectations. Instead, look around and find things you are grateful for, even when things don't turn out how you hope. Then, rather than being overshadowed by resentment, your life will be calmer, happier and more peaceful.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201801/are-you-ready-stop-feeling-victim
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-codependency-5072124
Created by Tom Vermeersch
Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.
It's natural to compare our own lives with those of others - weighing up the pros and cons of situations helps us make decisions. But there can be a downside when you find you're constantly comparing yourself with others, envying their seemingly perfect lives and wondering why they are luckier, more prosperous, and better looking than you.
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Do you often feel let down by others? Maybe you think that you do stuff for them and never get anything back in return, or perhaps you believe it's just down to bad luck or that you are always too nice. But if disappointment in other people often happens to you, then maybe the reason is you - your expectations may be unrealistic.
So what unconscious behaviours could you be playing out that create a life in which people let you down? And is there a way to break this pattern?
Do you believe that what you give, you should receive an equal measure in return? You see giving as a business transaction. But you should give without any expectation of return.
So next time someone asks you to help them out, only give your time and energy if you feel good about it, and understand that you are doing so without any expectations of the favour being returned. If you find this challenging, try stopping giving altogether until you feel ready to give freely without any strings attached.
Do you know how to say no? Perhaps you aren't setting clear personal boundaries, so others don't understand what you do and do not find acceptable, and you aren't honest about what you do and do not want to do. When you fail to set personal boundaries, you find yourself doing things not because you want to do them but because you don't know how to say no. And if the other person is more assertive with boundaries than you, the result is that you feel disappointed and used.
Imagine how different you would feel if you were more self-confident and you kept more of your energy and time for yourself. Bach Flowers Mix 44 can help you feel more confident and believe in yourself more.
Expectations that are too high damage relationships, leaving us constantly feeling let down. When we have high expectations of others, it blinds us to who the person really is. And in our determination to have our demands fulfilled, we don't see what they can offer us. So it's not that they don't give us anything; instead, we ask them for things they can't provide.
Think about someone that you're having problems with. Now, make a list of your expectations of them. Are these demands fair? Would your relationship improve if you ripped up the list and simply accepted the person for who they are?
Sometimes, you might feel disappointed with someone just because you didn't get your own way! But you can never fully control others. So take a moment to consider the individual who hasn't met your expectations. When did you last think about what they wanted or needed in your relationship?
At first glance, codependent people can seem like they are too nice, giving almost too much. This is because their life revolves around doing things for others and making them happy. But the other side of the coin is that they expect others to do something that makes them happy in return. Unfortunately, it's often too much to ask, and the result is a feeling of disappointment.
It could be that your self-esteem relies too much on your relationships, and you need to build your self-confidence, Bach Flower Mix 78 can help with codependency. It contains Bach flower essences that help avoid panic attacks, overcome the fear of being abandoned and support your self-belief.
If you repeatedly choose toxic partners and friends who are emotionally unavailable, you will feel constantly let down. If you are stuck in a pattern of unhealthy relationships, it may stem from traumatic events or core beliefs instilled in your childhood that continue to control your choices. For example, you may be following the pattern of a relationship you had with a parent growing up.
Think about your friendships or relationships. Did they all start in similar ways, and do the same dramas and power dynamics play out repeatedly?
You may be expecting support from the wrong people, who simply don't have the emotional intelligence to help you. If your feelings of being let down are making life difficult, or you believe they may come from an experience in your childhood, it can sometimes be easier to talk about it to someone other than family or friends. A therapist or counsellor offers a safe, non-judgmental and unbiased environment for you to explore your feelings of being let down by your expectations of others.
You don't always have to say yes, always "be nice" and give more than you want, then always feel disappointed. Nobody is making you do these things; you choose to do them. So you aren't really a victim; you are choosing to be one.
Taking control and being more assertive about your needs can be challenging - these tips will help.
You can't control others, so let go of your expectations. Instead, look around and find things you are grateful for, even when things don't turn out how you hope. Then, rather than being overshadowed by resentment, your life will be calmer, happier and more peaceful.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201801/are-you-ready-stop-feeling-victim
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-codependency-5072124
It's natural to compare our own lives with those of others - weighing up the pros and cons of situations helps us make decisions. But there can be a downside when you find you're constantly comparing yourself with others, envying their seemingly perfect lives and wondering why they are luckier, more prosperous, and better looking than you.
It's not always easy to tell if someone has depression. While some signs such as sadness, pessimism and withdrawal from social interaction are easy to recognise, other symptoms may be less obvious. And some people are very good at hiding their depression - even from themselves!
It’s such a positive thing to do and hope springs eternal, so why not commit yourself to a change this year? Here’s our tips on how to stick to your new year’s resolutions.
While you often hear people joking that they have OCD because they like to keep their house clean and tidy, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can be a distressing and debilitating mental health condition with a wide range of symptoms.
Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.
No one knows what the future holds, so don't waste time and energy worrying about it. Read our tips and find out how to stop being afraid of what might never happen.
Read the complete article
Do you always feel that everything’s always going wrong? Find out how to stop this cycle of bad thoughts in its tracks. When you think positively, things will start to appear positive and you will eventually feel more positive and optimistic.
Some people are overly sensitive to the time change and it can take days, if not weeks, for them to feel right again, while others barely even notice.
Read the complete article
Do you find yourself often thinking about your past? Do you wish you could turn back the clock to days gone by or things as they were before covid disrupted the world?
When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives.
Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.
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Are you unsure which Bach flowers can help you? Contact Tom for free advice.
