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How to deal with your partner if s/he has separation anxiety?

How to deal with your partner if she has separation anxiety

You will have heard the term “separation anxiety” usually used in conjunction with animals and children, but you may not be aware that adults too can suffer with this condition and at times it can become debilitating.
Certainly adult separation anxiety can devastate relationships, so it is important to take a sympathetic, pragmatic and rational approach.

What is Separation Anxiety?

In children and pets, separation anxiety manifests itself when the sufferer is separated from the primary care giver. In adults, the caregiver is a figure of attachment.

Therefore, adults who suffer with separation anxiety tend to fixate on their spouse or significant other, although it can be their children, their siblings or friends. Estimates in the USA suggest that 6.6% of adults will experience adult separation anxiety at some point in their life, so it is more common than you might imagine. It is more prevalent among women, but does affect men too.
It is less likely to be found among married or cohabiting couples, but can be. It is most likely to be found among those who are separated, widowed or divorced.

The symptoms of separation anxiety in adults

Some of the symptoms that can be found among adults with separation anxiety include:

  • Fear of being alone or separated
  • Fear of harm coming to the person they fixate upon
  • Avoiding being alone
  • Constant worrying and checking
  • Inability/unwillingness to sleep
  • A feeling of being overwhelmed

Tips for dealing with your partner who has separation anxiety

Treat other cases of anxiety, stress or depression first

People with a tendency to adult separation anxiety may well find they suffer in other areas too. IT may be that your partner has a generalised anxiety disorder, and recognising those symptoms and dealing with those can be highly beneficial.

Help them get busy

If you are going to be away, plan with your partner, what they will be doing. This might mean ensuring they are having social contact elsewhere, or it could involve leaving them a book or hobby activities that they can be getting on with. Encourage them to use their time to do things that they might not get to do when you are there, necessarily.

Encourage them to see the time you are away as ‘special me time’

What sort of things can your partner do when you’re not there? Consider spa days, or pamper treatments, or to invite their friends around. Encourage them to do things that help to lessen their anxiety so that they feel calm.

Manage expectations

Be very clear that while you’re away you will only be able to text or call at certain times. Tell your partner, “I’ll be in meetings all day” if this is the case. Manage their expectations about how busy you will be and how you must be professional if you’re away for business.

Give reassurance

Your partner wants to know that they are loved and special in your life. They may well drive you mad by asking for this sort of assurance, but the more patient you can be, the easier all round.

Leave little love notes

Before you go away, hide some little love notes or post-its around the house where your partner will find them. While you’re away, send thoughtful short texts or messages. Send a final message before you go to sleep.

Ask them to keep a journal

Ask them to keep a journal of what they have been up to and what thoughts they had and then share that with them when you get back. Make your partner understand that their day to day life is important to you.

Encourage them to be positive!

Focus on what you will do when you get back from your trip. Plan some treats – movie night in, or date night out!

Support Groups

If your partner has a severe case of separation anxiety, you could consider getting in touch with a local support group if you can find one. Your partner may also be able to access an online forum too, and this might help them while you’re away.

Ask for professional help

If you need further support, there is no harm seeking advice from a professional.

Created by Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

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How to deal with your partner if s/he has separation anxiety?

How to deal with your partner if s/he has separation anxiety?
How to deal with your partner if she has separation anxiety

You will have heard the term “separation anxiety” usually used in conjunction with animals and children, but you may not be aware that adults too can suffer with this condition and at times it can become debilitating.
Certainly adult separation anxiety can devastate relationships, so it is important to take a sympathetic, pragmatic and rational approach.

What is Separation Anxiety?

In children and pets, separation anxiety manifests itself when the sufferer is separated from the primary care giver. In adults, the caregiver is a figure of attachment.

Therefore, adults who suffer with separation anxiety tend to fixate on their spouse or significant other, although it can be their children, their siblings or friends. Estimates in the USA suggest that 6.6% of adults will experience adult separation anxiety at some point in their life, so it is more common than you might imagine. It is more prevalent among women, but does affect men too.
It is less likely to be found among married or cohabiting couples, but can be. It is most likely to be found among those who are separated, widowed or divorced.

The symptoms of separation anxiety in adults

Some of the symptoms that can be found among adults with separation anxiety include:

  • Fear of being alone or separated
  • Fear of harm coming to the person they fixate upon
  • Avoiding being alone
  • Constant worrying and checking
  • Inability/unwillingness to sleep
  • A feeling of being overwhelmed

Tips for dealing with your partner who has separation anxiety

Treat other cases of anxiety, stress or depression first

People with a tendency to adult separation anxiety may well find they suffer in other areas too. IT may be that your partner has a generalised anxiety disorder, and recognising those symptoms and dealing with those can be highly beneficial.

Help them get busy

If you are going to be away, plan with your partner, what they will be doing. This might mean ensuring they are having social contact elsewhere, or it could involve leaving them a book or hobby activities that they can be getting on with. Encourage them to use their time to do things that they might not get to do when you are there, necessarily.

Encourage them to see the time you are away as ‘special me time’

What sort of things can your partner do when you’re not there? Consider spa days, or pamper treatments, or to invite their friends around. Encourage them to do things that help to lessen their anxiety so that they feel calm.

Manage expectations

Be very clear that while you’re away you will only be able to text or call at certain times. Tell your partner, “I’ll be in meetings all day” if this is the case. Manage their expectations about how busy you will be and how you must be professional if you’re away for business.

Give reassurance

Your partner wants to know that they are loved and special in your life. They may well drive you mad by asking for this sort of assurance, but the more patient you can be, the easier all round.

Leave little love notes

Before you go away, hide some little love notes or post-its around the house where your partner will find them. While you’re away, send thoughtful short texts or messages. Send a final message before you go to sleep.

Ask them to keep a journal

Ask them to keep a journal of what they have been up to and what thoughts they had and then share that with them when you get back. Make your partner understand that their day to day life is important to you.

Encourage them to be positive!

Focus on what you will do when you get back from your trip. Plan some treats – movie night in, or date night out!

Support Groups

If your partner has a severe case of separation anxiety, you could consider getting in touch with a local support group if you can find one. Your partner may also be able to access an online forum too, and this might help them while you’re away.

Ask for professional help

If you need further support, there is no harm seeking advice from a professional.




Bach flowers mix 78: Separation anxiety

 Bach flowers mix 78 helps individuals to:

  • Be less dependent 
  • Conquer fears of being abandoned 
  • Panic less quickly 
  • Enjoy being alone again
Discover how Bach flowers mix 78 can help you
Marie Pure

Other articles


Why you're not the best

Why you're not the best

What are your aims in life? Do you plan to be rich, to be a top footballer, to be a good parent, or to become Prime Minister? However efficiently you plan your life, sooner or later you are going to come up against obstacles to achieving your goals.

Read the complete article

Top 5 nonsensical reasons to have doubts about yourself

Top 5 nonsensical reasons to have doubts about yourself

It happens to everyone at times: we start doubting ourselves. We worry about the decisions and whether we can face future challenges that life has in store. And sometimes we feel that we just aren't good enough.

Read the complete article

Is it OCD Find out!

Is it OCD? Find out!

While you often hear people joking that they have OCD because they like to keep their house clean and tidy, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can be a distressing and debilitating mental health condition with a wide range of symptoms.

Read the complete article

Do you expect too much from others Find out!

Do you expect too much from others? Find out!

Most people are disappointed when others don't meet their expectations. But when you always expect too much, it isn't healthy, either for yourself or for others. If you often find yourself feeling let down by your loved ones or even by strangers, could it be that you have unrealistic ideas of how people should act?

Read the complete article

Isn't depression just a fancy word for feeling a bit down

Isn't depression just a fancy word for feeling a bit down?

Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety affect around 1 in 6 people at some stage of their life. Despite it being such a common problem, many sufferers wait months or even years before seeking help.

Read the complete article

Fact or fiction Is it truly healthy

Fact or fiction? Is it truly healthy?

There's so much contradictory health advice out there, it gets confusing. One year, butter is said to be bad for you, and margarine is better. The following year, it's the other way around. One article says running causes strain on your joints; another says it's good for you because it increases bone strength.

Read the complete article

How to prove your value

How to prove your value

Feel like everyone takes you for granted? Whether it's working late to prepare a presentation or cooking a special birthday meal for your partner, it's nice to be appreciated when you've made an extra effort. And if it seems as if people don't notice, you might feel as if no one values you.

Read the complete article

goede-voornemens

A new year, a new me

It’s such a positive thing to do and hope springs eternal, so why not commit yourself to a change this year? Here’s our tips on how to stick to your new year’s resolutions.

Read the complete article

What to do when the spark is fading

What to do when the spark is fading

Why do you feel butterflies at the start of a new romance, and how can you keep the flame burning in a long term relationship as the spark starts to fade?

Read the complete article

What makes it so hard to go back to work

What makes it so hard to go back to work?

Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.

Read the complete article

Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.

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