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Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Can setting high standards for yourself ever be a problem? For most people, striving for perfection would be considered a positive thing. For example, musicians only reach concert standard after thousands of hours of practice and athletes can't reach peak performance without long hours of training.

But there's also a negative aspect of perfectionism. Perfectionists tend to set standards that are so demanding that they are impossible to meet or can only be achieved with difficulty. While most people understand that mistakes are inevitable and that everybody messes up at times, a perfectionist believes that making a mistake means they have failed catastrophically, or that they have disappointed others and are therefore a hateful person.

This pattern of thinking makes it very frightening for a perfectionist to make a mistake. They strive to be perfect all the time and are often disappointed with themselves for not achieving the standards they have set. They may gradually come to believe they are less capable than other people. Trying so hard to be perfect and meeting impossible standards causes stress, anxiety and self-doubt.


Are you perfectionist? Take our quiz!

If you're feeling overwhelmed with stress and anxiety, it might because that you're asking too much of yourself. There's nothing wrong with high standards. But if they're so high that they stop you enjoying life and get in the way of your school, work or relationships, you may have a problem with perfectionism. Find out whether you're secretly a perfectionist by taking our quiz:

Take a look at the following statements and check which response you think sounds most like you:

1. The more I succeed in life, the more pressure I put on myself to be even more successful

a) I'm just thankful for any successes that I achieve

b) That's true, and I feel that others will be expecting more from me as well

2. I compare myself to others I believe are more intelligent, more attractive or more talented than me

a) We can't all be good at everything, and I know I have qualities that they don't

b) Absolutely true - I constantly check my Insta for the latest posts and they knock my self-confidence

3. I always demand the absolute best from myself

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

4. I'm not very ambitious

a) Sounds like me - I'm pretty content with my life the way it is

b) I've always been ambitious, and achieving the highest goals is very important to me

5. When someone seems to give up too easily, I don't often criticise them

a) Who know what else they have going on in their life? It's none of my business why they've given up.

b) I'm not too fond of dropouts

6. I always expect to succeed at school or work

a) No, I know I won't always be successful, and it's OK as long as I've done my best

b) Of course, that's the whole point!

7. It doesn't bother me if others shine

a) Their achievements are nothing to do with me

b) I feel compelled to try and keep up with them

8. I strive to be as perfect as I can be.

a) Not really, I get by OK

b) Nearly always

9. I should be good at anything I try, not just the stuff I know I can do well.

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

10. People expect me to be perfect and never make mistakes

a) Not really, I don't feel any pressure

b) It certainly feels like it!

 

If you ticked mostly a's, you have a balanced attitude towards life. You're the sort of person who counts their blessings, allows themselves to make mistakes and is content with the way things are.

If you ticked mostly b's, you're showing many of the traits of a perfectionist. Read on to discover how you can overcome perfectionism so that it doesn't hold you back.

Overcoming perfectionism

The first step is to change the perfectionist way of thinking. Bach Flower Essence 10, Crab Apple, can help guard against perfectionism and obsessive thoughts.

Other useful techniques include:

1. Replace self-criticism with more helpful and realistic thoughts

People who are perfectionists are often too self-critical. Perfectionist thoughts make you see mistakes as catastrophic. Replace these ideas with realistic concepts such as "Nobody's perfect" and "Everybody has bad days sometimes". Repeat these thoughts often. You might not find them believable at first, but if you repeat them often enough, they will eventually crowd out negative self-criticism.

2. Take a different perspective

Many perfectionists find it challenging to see things from another point of view. They don't consider how others might see a scenario.

As an example, you might you're slacking if you only cycle for 20k at the weekend when you'd aimed to do 30k. Other people might think 20k is a very acceptable amount of exercise. It can be beneficial to learn to see situations as others may view them.

3. Changing perfectionist behaviour

When you have difficulties with perfectionism, it's as if you have a phobia of making mistakes. Try to overcome your "phobia" by facing your fear of being imperfect by deliberately making mistakes. Start with something small such as wearing odd socks! If people notice at all, it will likely be with a good-humoured comment. Next, spend 3 hours instead of six preparing your presentation. Gradually, you'll be able to cope with situations you would previously have avoided because of worries that things wouldn't be perfect.

4. Treat yourself

It's very challenging to face your anxieties and try new ways of thinking! Look after yourself and enjoy a reward for all your hard work. A treat such as a movie or nice meal, or just meeting up with friends, will help you to feel good about yourself and persevere with the changes you're making.

A final word

If you recognise that you're secretly a perfectionist, don't worry! Let go of some of your high standards. Accept that you're perfectly imperfect and your life will be much more fun!


Sources:

https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-may-be-a-perfectionist-3145233

https://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/how-to-overcome-perfectionism/

Created by Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

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Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist
Find out if you’re (secretly) a perfectionist

Can setting high standards for yourself ever be a problem? For most people, striving for perfection would be considered a positive thing. For example, musicians only reach concert standard after thousands of hours of practice and athletes can't reach peak performance without long hours of training.

But there's also a negative aspect of perfectionism. Perfectionists tend to set standards that are so demanding that they are impossible to meet or can only be achieved with difficulty. While most people understand that mistakes are inevitable and that everybody messes up at times, a perfectionist believes that making a mistake means they have failed catastrophically, or that they have disappointed others and are therefore a hateful person.

This pattern of thinking makes it very frightening for a perfectionist to make a mistake. They strive to be perfect all the time and are often disappointed with themselves for not achieving the standards they have set. They may gradually come to believe they are less capable than other people. Trying so hard to be perfect and meeting impossible standards causes stress, anxiety and self-doubt.

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Are you perfectionist? Take our quiz!

If you're feeling overwhelmed with stress and anxiety, it might because that you're asking too much of yourself. There's nothing wrong with high standards. But if they're so high that they stop you enjoying life and get in the way of your school, work or relationships, you may have a problem with perfectionism. Find out whether you're secretly a perfectionist by taking our quiz:

Take a look at the following statements and check which response you think sounds most like you:

1. The more I succeed in life, the more pressure I put on myself to be even more successful

a) I'm just thankful for any successes that I achieve

b) That's true, and I feel that others will be expecting more from me as well

2. I compare myself to others I believe are more intelligent, more attractive or more talented than me

a) We can't all be good at everything, and I know I have qualities that they don't

b) Absolutely true - I constantly check my Insta for the latest posts and they knock my self-confidence

3. I always demand the absolute best from myself

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

4. I'm not very ambitious

a) Sounds like me - I'm pretty content with my life the way it is

b) I've always been ambitious, and achieving the highest goals is very important to me

5. When someone seems to give up too easily, I don't often criticise them

a) Who know what else they have going on in their life? It's none of my business why they've given up.

b) I'm not too fond of dropouts

6. I always expect to succeed at school or work

a) No, I know I won't always be successful, and it's OK as long as I've done my best

b) Of course, that's the whole point!

7. It doesn't bother me if others shine

a) Their achievements are nothing to do with me

b) I feel compelled to try and keep up with them

8. I strive to be as perfect as I can be.

a) Not really, I get by OK

b) Nearly always

9. I should be good at anything I try, not just the stuff I know I can do well.

a) Mostly disagree

b) Mostly agree

10. People expect me to be perfect and never make mistakes

a) Not really, I don't feel any pressure

b) It certainly feels like it!

 

If you ticked mostly a's, you have a balanced attitude towards life. You're the sort of person who counts their blessings, allows themselves to make mistakes and is content with the way things are.

If you ticked mostly b's, you're showing many of the traits of a perfectionist. Read on to discover how you can overcome perfectionism so that it doesn't hold you back.

Overcoming perfectionism

The first step is to change the perfectionist way of thinking. Bach Flower Essence 10, Crab Apple, can help guard against perfectionism and obsessive thoughts.

Other useful techniques include:

1. Replace self-criticism with more helpful and realistic thoughts

People who are perfectionists are often too self-critical. Perfectionist thoughts make you see mistakes as catastrophic. Replace these ideas with realistic concepts such as "Nobody's perfect" and "Everybody has bad days sometimes". Repeat these thoughts often. You might not find them believable at first, but if you repeat them often enough, they will eventually crowd out negative self-criticism.

2. Take a different perspective

Many perfectionists find it challenging to see things from another point of view. They don't consider how others might see a scenario.

As an example, you might you're slacking if you only cycle for 20k at the weekend when you'd aimed to do 30k. Other people might think 20k is a very acceptable amount of exercise. It can be beneficial to learn to see situations as others may view them.

3. Changing perfectionist behaviour

When you have difficulties with perfectionism, it's as if you have a phobia of making mistakes. Try to overcome your "phobia" by facing your fear of being imperfect by deliberately making mistakes. Start with something small such as wearing odd socks! If people notice at all, it will likely be with a good-humoured comment. Next, spend 3 hours instead of six preparing your presentation. Gradually, you'll be able to cope with situations you would previously have avoided because of worries that things wouldn't be perfect.

4. Treat yourself

It's very challenging to face your anxieties and try new ways of thinking! Look after yourself and enjoy a reward for all your hard work. A treat such as a movie or nice meal, or just meeting up with friends, will help you to feel good about yourself and persevere with the changes you're making.

A final word

If you recognise that you're secretly a perfectionist, don't worry! Let go of some of your high standards. Accept that you're perfectly imperfect and your life will be much more fun!


Sources:

https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-may-be-a-perfectionist-3145233

https://www.anxietycanada.com/articles/how-to-overcome-perfectionism/


Marie Pure

Other articles


Signs of depression under the radar

Signs of depression under the radar

It is not always obvious when someone is experiencing depression. Some people with depression mask their symptoms, hiding their feelings behind a smile to convince others they are happy.

Read the complete article

10 Tips to get the best out of every day

10 Tips to get the best out of every day

When we’re stuck in a bit of a rut, the days and nights slip past so quickly that we barely notice them. But life is not a rehearsal!

Read the complete article

Why you're not the best

Why you're not the best

What are your aims in life? Do you plan to be rich, to be a top footballer, to be a good parent, or to become Prime Minister? However efficiently you plan your life, sooner or later you are going to come up against obstacles to achieving your goals.

Read the complete article

Is the world as we know it over

Is the world as we know it over?

Since the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, governments around the world have taken unprecedented measures to stop the spread of coronavirus. The rapid changes we've seen have had an impact on almost every aspect of our lives.

Read the complete article

What to do when the spark is fading

What to do when the spark is fading

Why do you feel butterflies at the start of a new romance, and how can you keep the flame burning in a long term relationship as the spark starts to fade?

Read the complete article

Do We Label Too Fast

Do We Label Too Fast?

Nowadays, it can sometimes seem almost everyone has a mental health issue or learning disorder. But, are we too quick to label people, or is it that we are more aware of the problems? This article looks at some of the issues surrounding these sensitive questions.

Read the complete article

How to be less judgemental of others (and yourself!)

How to be less judgemental of others (and yourself!)

Do you feel you’re always criticising and judging everyone, yourself included? Do you feel bad about it afterwards? You’re certainly not alone! Read on to discover how you can judge less and start to accept things the way they are.

Read the complete article

Mistakes as a Parent

Mistakes as a Parent

Can we learn from our mistakes and develop a stronger, healthier emotional bondwith our kids? To help you identify your weak spots, we’ve rounded up some of the most common mistakes parents make.

Read the complete article

Six things we think will make us happy, but don't!

Six things we think will make us happy, but don't!

When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives. 

Read the complete article

Did you get stuck in the past

Did you get stuck in the past?

Do you find yourself often thinking about your past? Do you wish you could turn back the clock to days gone by or things as they were before covid disrupted the world?

Read the complete article

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