Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!
When changes happen, we often respond with anger and resentment, blaming others for our inability to move on. Our anger arises because we can't control the situation. We may blame ourselves for not having worked hard enough, or because we stayed too long in a toxic relationship. We can only move on when we accept that what we can control is our response. Rather than beating ourselves up, we learn from any mistakes we may have made and break the cycle of negative thinking.
The first step to being more compassionate to yourself is to accept that things are what they are. Find out how good you are at accepting things you can't change: read the following statements, tick the appropriate response, and then add up your scores.
1. I'm curious and open to learning and new experiences.
a) strongly disagree
b) disagree
c) neither agree nor disagree
d) agree
e) strongly agree
2. I'm self-aware and have a realistic view of my health, money, and relationships.
a) strongly disagree
b) disagree
c) neither agree nor disagree
d) agree
e) strongly agree
3. If there's something I disapprove of or don't like in the world, I still believe that it's real and that things are the way they are.
a) strongly disagree
b) disagree
c) neither agree nor disagree
d) agree
e) strongly agree
4. I am aware of my emotions, thoughts and desires, including the parts of myself I don't like.
a) strongly disagree
b) disagree
c) neither agree nor disagree
d) agree
e) strongly agree
5. I am aware of my softer, more vulnerable side.
a) strongly disagree
b) disagree
c) neither agree nor disagree
d) agree
e) strongly agree
6. If I dislike something about myself, I accept it and don't try to deny it.
a) strongly disagree
b) disagree
c) neither agree nor disagree
d) agree
e) strongly agree
7. I understand clearly the difference between accepting something and doing what I can to change it for the better.
a) strongly disagree
b) disagree
c) neither agree nor disagree
d) agree
e) strongly agree
8. I can acknowledge physical or emotional pain rather than pushing it away.
a) strongly disagree
b) disagree
c) neither agree nor disagree
d) agree
e) strongly agree
9. Even if it's painful, I accept that particular things are real, whether about myself or others.
a) strongly disagree
b) disagree
c) neither agree nor disagree
d) agree
e) strongly agree
10. I feel my emotions without trying to change or fix them.
a) strongly disagree
b) disagree
c) neither agree nor disagree
d) agree
e) strongly agree
Give yourself 1 point for every time you answered a), 2 points for each b), 3 points for every c), 4 points for every d) and 5 points for every e). Now add up your scores:
You have a clear and accurate view of yourself and the external world and accept things for what they are. Whether regarding health, relationships or money, you look at difficulties honestly and don't run away from facing problems. You accept your deepest feelings and emotions and aren't ashamed or embarrassed about them. Even if you wish your thoughts, desires and feelings were different, you acknowledge them and don't feel a need to suppress or change them.
You have a reasonably good understanding of the external factors that are often beyond your control, such as your health, finances and work. However, there are probably areas where you could apply a little more realism. The same applies to your inner thoughts and feelings: while you might not be aware that you're suppressing emotions, you could explore your inmost desires more deeply. While you understand that there are many things you can't change or control, you know you can make changes that will improve your life.
Currently, you aren't accepting of either your inner feelings or the external world. Are you afraid of what you might find if you examine your deepest emotions more closely? Perhaps your anxiety was caused by past events, and you have been unable to let it go. But today, your fears might not have any basis in reality. Try to develop resilience that will help you to bounce back from internal and external challenges.
If you're stuck in a pattern of negative thoughts, anxiety and depression, Bach Flower Mix 85 contains elm and a balance of pure flower essences to help you overcome fear and boost your confidence. You will be able to make decisions, move on and take on life's challenges again.
Accept that there are things you can't control, don't waste energy on holding grudges and live a happier life!
Sources:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/reclaim-your-power-by-let_b_731942#:~:text=It's%20found%20within%20the%20lines,t%20like%20something%2C%20change%20it.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201705/how-stop-worrying-about-things-you-cant-change
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